Warthog Acquisition

Yes, it's a post, how amazing, now be quiet before I set Alan upon thee.

As we all know, tomorrow is "Warthog Picking Day" a day of celebrating the fact that Warthogs are grown on bushes, somewhere in the left side of the sea, as close as left as it can be without it being right...or up.

We also know that the Warthog Emperor, George, is released from his eternal prison at 1:28am, this event is celebrated by taking the warthogs off of the bushes, making them into a pile and then giving them complicated algebra that they have no comprehension of (like most people with algebra eh? haha, shut up) this in turn calms George to the point where he can be locked away again for a few more years, which then begs the following question, which will be stated in the following paragraph to try and spice up this blorg.

The question we must ask is: "Why". Yep, "Why", why must we go through this procedure every few years, why must we unlock the cage so that we can lock it again, seems a bit harsh, especially since George gets his hopes up every time and every time he gets locked up again, it's your fault, Sweden, it always is, its about time you start respecting the warthogs lest they rise up and take you all captive, this route will then lead to military action and the warthogs shall perish, they cannot use complex weaponry, they cannot use vehicles, its a one sided fight they have no chance of winning.

Shame on you Sweden, shame on you.

Wombat to infiltrate PCGamer Showdown

Much excitement is brewing in the Wombat domain as we are set to be making an appearance at PCGamer Showdown this coming weekend. This will be only our second ever meeting in the real world following on from an encounter which was previously unspoken of back in (I forget when) July, was it?

This occurred when I was planning to head up to Scan Computers in Notlob as I was looking to replace my PC case with a new Antec P182 (not for any particularly interesting reason, just because I have grown tired of windowed LED lit monstrosities). I suggested that I should stop at Mike's on the way and make a random road trip out of it, which we duly did, with sausages but unfortunately no vodka.

The plan this weekend is for Mike to catch a bus from his Northerly abode to somewhere Creweish, where there may or may not be a train waiting to escort him to Birmingham, where I will probably forget to meet him. From there we will get in my car, which will more than likely break down on the way to Coventry. Once we get there 6 hours late we will find that all the awesome free stuff that we had come to fill my car with will be gone save maybe one or two game branded ballpoint pens and/or coathangers.

We have yet to make any sleeping arrangements for Saturday night as we were reluctant to ask about upgrading our current one-day tickets to weekend tickets (which would include camping) due mainly to sheer laziness. I'm planning to take a tent which was last (and first) used for the Leeds Festival in 2004, so I imagine it will have half as many pegs as required and the outer waterproof sheet will be ripped/non existent.

For possibly the 18th time we are promising you some regular hupdates over the next few days to say how the event is going, but of course, that won't happen.

The dead bandit I never knew.

Name: Max Dinosaur
Status: Face down in a mix of radiated water, mutated boar and his own blood.
Location: Under a tower, although his body has now vanished so, Location Unknown.
Time: 16:34
Weather: Raining

Bugger it

Aye.

Is not dead

I did promise some sort of blorgage when I was over in Canada. Oops. It wasn't that I forgot, and it wasn't because we swerved to avoid a Moose and crashed into a lake and got deaded, no. It's because we didn't have a taplop with us, and the internet access that was supposed to be in each hotel was either just an ethernet cable pokin' out the wall of the hotel room; a non-existent internet lounge or a very broken internet lounge (as in click on a link, wait 5 minutes for the screen to load, type something, click again, wait another 5 mins then run out of time).

I've got a couple of thangs that I want to write doon, but right now I can't be buggered because I'm a bit knackered and I'm still feeling the effects of pouring half a bottle of Tabasco sauce onto a Pepperoni pizza and washing it down with beer. It's kind of that warm whiskey feeling in my stomach but just lingering there forever. I regret it not. And following it up with strawberrys & ice cream to cool my insides down was lully, though it didn't work.

I shall return sooneth with random words aboot Canada, maybe.

Behind the substation

I took the dawg on a random walk yesterday down an alleyway at the back of an electricity substation located just down the road from me. I've driven past it hundreds of times and a while ago I noticed an opening at one end of a wooded area which I thought must come out at the alleyway near me. I set out with Gyp (the dawg) and my camera and started down the alley, it soon started to become overgrown and I reached the end of the path which turned slightly to the left and up a small incline. The path split at this point, the left path was full of brambles and the right was muddy. I went right which led to an open area at the back of the houses, relatively uninteresting. I headed left up a steep bank which led back to the split in the path and took the other route through the brambles. Gyp was having fun jumping over all the plants and dead trees covering the path which is where I took the first picture.

After I turned the next corner I was looking at the floor trying not to trip over all the brambles tangling around my feet. I looked up and was slightly startled when I saw a burnt out car ahead of me, it was the last place I was expecting to see that sort of thing. Yes, there is access to this place from the road, but both sides surrounding the car are steep and the path leading to it is narrow. It must have been there a few years as it's completely rusted over and the metal is folded in and the brambles have all but eaten it up. I went past it and through a narrow muddy pass which led to an open area. There was an electricity pylon here and no noticeable exit from this area. It also overlooked some back gardens and there was a battered old sofa there randomly. I walked around looking for an exit but I went the wrong way and set off some dogs barking in a garden and it was a dead end anyway, so I turned around and was about to go back the way I came when I saw a hidden path leading out.

This path was more overgrown than anything, I had to be careful because it was full of mud and the brambles spread right across the path and I nearly fell head first into the mud, which may have been interesting. I looked up and realised there was no way I'd get through there, the trees were overhanging the whole path and there was a puddle in front of me of muddy stagnant water, which Gyp thought was a good idea to drink (euugh). The only way I'd get through would be to duck or crawl under the trees which was not an option as the stagnant water spread the whole width and length of the path. So I turned around and went back the way I came and headed back home.

Now I must go as I haven't started packing yet, and we're due to leave for Manchester Airport at 7.30am tomorrow.

The Hibernating Wombat

Alas, we have awoken. "Not one Wombat musing for 9 weeks" I hear you cry. Yessir, but one has not been gaming in a whale (literally), not due to lack of time, but mainly due to a huge amount of excitement building in me from waiting for the impending Canada trip. There are but 3 days left until we head off to Manchester Airport in much early morning enthusiasm, and more than likely, nausea. Mike will be holding the fort in Britain, whilst I'll be holding fort(s) in the former British colony. He will hopefully join us on our next wombat excursion, whatever that may be.

My intension is to provide hupdates along the way, depending on how often we find a computer with a hinternet connection.. But we're staying in some quite posh hotels, so it's quite likely a net connection will be readily available.

The itinerary is as follows:

• Brumingham to Mancland Airport
• Mancland Airport to Tooo-ron-tooooo (said in booming Welsh accent) Lester B. Pearson Int'l Airport
• 2 night stay in Tooo-ron-tooooo
• Head up the coast of Lake Ontario to Kingston (I'm not sure how many nights we stay in each place from here on)
• Kingston to Montréal
• Montréal to Quebec City
• Quebec City to Ottawa
• Ottawa to Huntsville (not Tennessee) via Algonquin Provincial Park (woot!)
• Huntsville to Niagara Falls
• Niagara Falls to Tooo-ron-tooooo (err...) and then back 'Hum'

We're still not entirely sure what we'll be making of our time in each City, though I definitely don't want to be too 'touristy' about it all. Of course the CN Tower must be done as should the Ice Hockey Hall Of Fame. In Montréal we're gonna look for the game studios of Ubisoft, Eidos, and EA, though we'll probably chicken out of asking for a tour of the buildings and instead take a rubbish photo of each office which will most likely be obscured by an Elephant. Huntsville will see us exploring the Canadian wilderness, then getting mutilated by bears, and I have not a clue what we'll be doing at Niagara Falls, though something water related does spring to mind, but I can't place my finger on what exactly.

So here's to not trimming my already bushy (and rather Amish looking) beard for a further two weeks.