Thursday, 28 July 2011

Oh the huge manatee - A tale of a fat sea creature.

There once was a Manatee called Jeremy, who lived in a dynamic fluid called water, now, Jeremy had long desired to be considered the best of his class at swimming or whatever manatees do in their daily routines, this had occurred when one of his friends had challenged him to a swim when he just wasn’t bothered to do so, he was then called a daft creature by the community and exiled for the hell of it.

Jeremy vowed to one day return and win the local swimming tourney so off he went into the wilderness. After floating for 13 days he happened upon and strange metallic item in the sea, placing it carefully into his pack of holding (he had a pack of holding you see, should have mentioned that at the start) and carried on, 3 hours later he found another piece and this carried on for the next few days, soon he had enough to build a ship capable of interstellar travel along with a suit capable to sustaining his life while in space (he was going to space to gain the skills you see, should have mentioned that too.) The suit was a fairly tight fit but at least allowed some fin movement, here is an artists impression of the suit and ship:

As you can see from the above, the design is quite intricate and time consuming, the thought of space pushed Jeremy to fire up the ISD (Interstellar Drive) and hit the skies.

- A few questions should be answered at this point on how a manatee could make a ship, the answer is manatee power, and how does the ship move? You guess it, manatee power, where did the metal come from? Yup, manatee power! You see, the humble manatee has the ability to create crap by thinking of it, it can even gain intelligence by imagining intelligence; nature is great isn't it? Enough of this, back to the main event.

Jeremy hit the atmosphere, it wasn't the most easy of transitions but he made it out there, alive and well, suit & ship intact, it took Jeremy a further 412 years to make it throughout the galaxy, his manatee power sustaining and prolonging his life (the average manatee lifespan is 301 years) until he eventually reached his goal of Unk'pi'hrt'zhioh (pronounced Anvil)

Upon landing, the natives of the planet gathered and welcomed the space faring sea cow and presented him with a basket of kiwi fruit, rats, 3 lions, a turtle named Peterson and some paper. Jeremy was most grateful for his gifts that he loaned them his ship for 23 minutes while he had a little sleep, upon awakening he proceeded to the mountain of truth, knowledge and teeth to finalise his training.
The road up the mountain was filled with plants and people of all shapes and sizes who all seemed to meow at his as he ascended, upon reaching the top he found the truth master, a being endowed with all the knowledge of the universe, however, since the planet was devoid of water the master was unable to put the practical swimming training into use and instead, instructed Jeremy to proceed south to the deepest reaches of space where he would meet him when he arrived.

The journey took several days but before long, he made it, and just as the master said, he was waiting there for Jeremy to arrive. This particular planet was made entirely of water which made it ideal for the training. A further 4 years went by and Jeremy was turning into a master swimmer, he could do sea donuts, loops and speed swimming, he was content and happy with his training, the master nodded and told Jeremy that he was now ready to win the tournament so he left and started his long journey back to earth, but stopped off to say by to his friends and to pick up some lions for the trip back. Soon after leaving the planet Jeremy was kidnapped by the Yughlighg clan, a race of space otters who hailed from over there ---->

The Yughlighg kept Jeremy in captivity for several weeks before they let him go as he wasn't the manatee they were looking for. It turned out that several other manatee had left Earth in search of Jeremy but also knowledge, and chips, but had got lost, rumour has it that these rogues are often mistaken for comets due to their size and general lethargy.

Several hundred years later, Jeremy reached Earth and went back to his family in the water, they were glad to see him but wondered why he bothered to go in the first place, after explaining, they all had a big lion meal and went to bed in preparation for the next days swim tourney. Jeremy awoke early and got in a bit of practice which he won (despite being on his own) and considered himself ready for the challenge, 5 hours later, everyone had gathered and in a blistering display of speed, Jeremy won the competition, injuring several spectators in the process and reducing the other competitors to watery tears.

So ends this particular tale of Jeremy, but not the end of his random adventures in space, his tale is told to all young manatee so they have something to aspire too in life, a statue erected to show the event and, in fact, the entire adventure was placed in the sea as a reminder to all that manatee power is real. Jeremy himself went off on his own one night looking for more adventures, he hasn't been seen in a while but legend says that he will be back...and soon, but for good, or, evil?