Thursday, 25 September 2008

Wombat to infiltrate PCGamer Showdown

Much excitement is brewing in the Wombat domain as we are set to be making an appearance at PCGamer Showdown this coming weekend. This will be only our second ever meeting in the real world following on from an encounter which was previously unspoken of back in (I forget when) July, was it?

This occurred when I was planning to head up to Scan Computers in Notlob as I was looking to replace my PC case with a new Antec P182 (not for any particularly interesting reason, just because I have grown tired of windowed LED lit monstrosities). I suggested that I should stop at Mike's on the way and make a random road trip out of it, which we duly did, with sausages but unfortunately no vodka.

The plan this weekend is for Mike to catch a bus from his Northerly abode to somewhere Creweish, where there may or may not be a train waiting to escort him to Birmingham, where I will probably forget to meet him. From there we will get in my car, which will more than likely break down on the way to Coventry. Once we get there 6 hours late we will find that all the awesome free stuff that we had come to fill my car with will be gone save maybe one or two game branded ballpoint pens and/or coathangers.

We have yet to make any sleeping arrangements for Saturday night as we were reluctant to ask about upgrading our current one-day tickets to weekend tickets (which would include camping) due mainly to sheer laziness. I'm planning to take a tent which was last (and first) used for the Leeds Festival in 2004, so I imagine it will have half as many pegs as required and the outer waterproof sheet will be ripped/non existent.

For possibly the 18th time we are promising you some regular hupdates over the next few days to say how the event is going, but of course, that won't happen.

Sunday, 7 September 2008

The dead bandit I never knew.

Name: Max Dinosaur
Status: Face down in a mix of radiated water, mutated boar and his own blood.
Location: Under a tower, although his body has now vanished so, Location Unknown.
Time: 16:34
Weather: Raining

Wednesday, 6 August 2008

Thursday, 5 June 2008

Is not dead

I did promise some sort of blorgage when I was over in Canada. Oops. It wasn't that I forgot, and it wasn't because we swerved to avoid a Moose and crashed into a lake and got deaded, no. It's because we didn't have a taplop with us, and the internet access that was supposed to be in each hotel was either just an ethernet cable pokin' out the wall of the hotel room; a non-existent internet lounge or a very broken internet lounge (as in click on a link, wait 5 minutes for the screen to load, type something, click again, wait another 5 mins then run out of time).

I've got a couple of thangs that I want to write doon, but right now I can't be buggered because I'm a bit knackered and I'm still feeling the effects of pouring half a bottle of Tabasco sauce onto a Pepperoni pizza and washing it down with beer. It's kind of that warm whiskey feeling in my stomach but just lingering there forever. I regret it not. And following it up with strawberrys & ice cream to cool my insides down was lully, though it didn't work.

I shall return sooneth with random words aboot Canada, maybe.

Sunday, 4 May 2008

Behind the substation

I took the dawg on a random walk yesterday down an alleyway at the back of an electricity substation located just down the road from me. I've driven past it hundreds of times and a while ago I noticed an opening at one end of a wooded area which I thought must come out at the alleyway near me. I set out with Gyp (the dawg) and my camera and started down the alley, it soon started to become overgrown and I reached the end of the path which turned slightly to the left and up a small incline. The path split at this point, the left path was full of brambles and the right was muddy. I went right which led to an open area at the back of the houses, relatively uninteresting. I headed left up a steep bank which led back to the split in the path and took the other route through the brambles. Gyp was having fun jumping over all the plants and dead trees covering the path which is where I took the first picture.

After I turned the next corner I was looking at the floor trying not to trip over all the brambles tangling around my feet. I looked up and was slightly startled when I saw a burnt out car ahead of me, it was the last place I was expecting to see that sort of thing. Yes, there is access to this place from the road, but both sides surrounding the car are steep and the path leading to it is narrow. It must have been there a few years as it's completely rusted over and the metal is folded in and the brambles have all but eaten it up. I went past it and through a narrow muddy pass which led to an open area. There was an electricity pylon here and no noticeable exit from this area. It also overlooked some back gardens and there was a battered old sofa there randomly. I walked around looking for an exit but I went the wrong way and set off some dogs barking in a garden and it was a dead end anyway, so I turned around and was about to go back the way I came when I saw a hidden path leading out.

This path was more overgrown than anything, I had to be careful because it was full of mud and the brambles spread right across the path and I nearly fell head first into the mud, which may have been interesting. I looked up and realised there was no way I'd get through there, the trees were overhanging the whole path and there was a puddle in front of me of muddy stagnant water, which Gyp thought was a good idea to drink (euugh). The only way I'd get through would be to duck or crawl under the trees which was not an option as the stagnant water spread the whole width and length of the path. So I turned around and went back the way I came and headed back home.

Now I must go as I haven't started packing yet, and we're due to leave for Manchester Airport at 7.30am tomorrow.

Friday, 2 May 2008

The Hibernating Wombat

Alas, we have awoken. "Not one Wombat musing for 9 weeks" I hear you cry. Yessir, but one has not been gaming in a whale (literally), not due to lack of time, but mainly due to a huge amount of excitement building in me from waiting for the impending Canada trip. There are but 3 days left until we head off to Manchester Airport in much early morning enthusiasm, and more than likely, nausea. Mike will be holding the fort in Britain, whilst I'll be holding fort(s) in the former British colony. He will hopefully join us on our next wombat excursion, whatever that may be.

My intension is to provide hupdates along the way, depending on how often we find a computer with a hinternet connection.. But we're staying in some quite posh hotels, so it's quite likely a net connection will be readily available.

The itinerary is as follows:

  • Brumingham to Mancland Airport
  • Mancland Airport to Tooo-ron-tooooo (said in booming Welsh accent) Lester B. Pearson Int'l Airport
  • 2 night stay in Tooo-ron-tooooo
  • Head up the coast of Lake Ontario to Kingston (I'm not sure how many nights we stay in each place from here on)
  • Kingston to Montréal
  • Montréal to Quebec City
  • Quebec City to Ottawa
  • Ottawa to Huntsville (not Tennessee) via Algonquin Provincial Park (woot!)
  • Huntsville to Niagara Falls
  • Niagara Falls to Tooo-ron-tooooo (err...) and then back 'Hum'

We're still not entirely sure what we'll be making of our time in each City, though I definitely don't want to be too 'touristy' about it all. Of course the CN Tower must be done as should the Ice Hockey Hall Of Fame. In Montréal we're gonna look for the game studios of Ubisoft, Eidos, and EA, though we'll probably chicken out of asking for a tour of the buildings and instead take a rubbish photo of each office which will most likely be obscured by an Elephant. Huntsville will see us exploring the Canadian wilderness, then getting mutilated by bears, and I have not a clue what we'll be doing at Niagara Falls, though something water related does spring to mind, but I can't place my finger on what exactly.

So here's to not trimming my already bushy (and rather Amish looking) beard for a further two weeks.

Sunday, 24 February 2008

The world in whole - As seen in the eyes of an MMORPG Traveller

Greetings, Helegaradon Sihniliophinopopolos here and I'm writing this Journal to examine how different cultures and worlds treat Nature, Work and each other, first off, we will take a look at a few of the various races I have encountered during my journey throughout various worlds. Enjoy!

Chapter 1 - Races & Factions
Chapter 2 - Professions & Jobs
Chapter 3 - Nature and the world around
Chapter 4 - Conclusion


While it is true that there are many strange and wonderful races throughout the many varied worlds, very few are capable of the most basic of Human expressions, laughter seems to be the most common, along with dancing/fun, which are often displayed in tandem. Of the many worlds, you can usually find certain elements common between them, despite them not ever being in contact with each other, such as beards, accents and size. For example, almost every world has Elves, these people are usually rather tall, live long long lives (some are even stated to be immortal) and have pointy ears, superior egos and heightened emotions, meanwhile, Dwarves are more commonly found to have large beards, pride for the large beards, have a love of battle and speak in gruff Scottish accents. More detail on a few sample races I have observed through my Incredi-Sized Multi storage trans-world teleportational drirections travel device will follow the end of this sentence, as in, now.

Dwarves are mainly small folk, around waist height, but don't let that fool you, their heart and might more than make up for their size. A single Dwarf, fully armored charging into a battle (which is another common point across the worlds surprisingly) can strike fear into the most battle-hardened foe. Dwarves seem to have more "health" than most other races, meaning they can often withstand many hammer and arrow blows to the face, which you will agree, is an excellent ability to have in a tight corner. Most Dwarves take up fighting roles, using weapons up to 3 times their size to destroy their enemies, some however, take up the roles of Hunters, using a variety of distance based weaponry, some have mastered the ability to create guns, while others have to stick with Bows and Crossbows. A Dwarf can most likely be found with a Huge bear and a mug of Ale after a hard day of murdering small animals for pieces of skin (yet another common point, which will be mentioned later on)

Ahh, the Elf, tall and immortal (occasionally.) Elves usually live in trees or out in the wild, they feel a strong bond to nature, you see, this much is common on all of the worlds I have visited. Elves are most likely to be found as Hunters, again, in common with other worlds, most seemed to be named using the following letters:
There is not usually much variation in the way they are put together, they mainly start with L and end in S, with multiple vowels in between, however, this seems to anger most of the worlds that they occupy, perhaps a Deity of a distant past had the same name and is now feared or hated, perhaps there are just too many Elves name in similar style that it just gets annoying and frustrating, who knows? I do believe it requires further study though.

Trolls are primarily shunned for being evil, while some are just bitter for various reasons, some can truly be described as evil, if you can't fully see their path. Trolls are mainly caste in Shamanistic roles, Witch doctors, Rain callers etc, but they go much deeper than that, in many ways, some Trolls have more in common with Elves than they do with their Fellow allies. Trolls seem to come in many different sizes, some are Huge lumbering war machines, intent on smashing or crushing anything they come across, others are around 6ft (add 3ft for their hair as well)

Orcs, like Trolls are caste as Evil, but much like the Troll, they are bitter about the way their luck has been pretty much none existent. Some Orcs however, are evil, they display only their base needs - Kill and feed. orcs are hard to describe as many worlds feature them, they are usually found in a warrior style role, smashing Dwarves and rabbits about with giant weapons.

Humans are found on pretty much all the worlds, and again, can be found in Good and Evil roles. Humans seem to show the least intelligence between the races. Some will follow you needlessly for hours upon hours and when you finally confront them, they just laugh and start their long walk back to wherever they came from. Some Humans enjoy speaking in an abbreviated manner, this seems to annoy many people, often resulting in threats of physical violence. Humans are usually strong fighters or magic users as it makes up for their lack of intelligence and makes them feel ever so slightly less insignificant.
So, there are a few of the Races I've encountered so face, of course there are many, many more out there, often similar in appearance to each other, although there are rules, some look feline in appearance, while some have canine features, one particular race seems to resemble bovine, but standing on their hind legs, most have tails. I like their tails, tails are good.


Of all the worlds I have visited, there are two things in common to each and every race - 1: Complete and utter laziness, 2: Greed. Let me explain.
People who have something they want doing, but are too lazy/stupid to do for their selves are gifted with some variety of icon above their heads. This icon seems to draw people to them, kind of a sirens call, the promise of [Rat face Boots of Endurance +8] is to tempting for some and they will blatantly go out of their way to obtain whatever the person needs. In theory, this is a superb money making scheme - Having people do stuff for you in 126 simple Quests - This, however, is where the greed comes in, I meant really, how many [Bunch of Random Plants] does anyone really need? Is there a list that has the right amount? Would it look like a straight line with "Not enough" at the start and "Plenty" at the end?
No. It wouldn't because it seems people are content in running the same "quest" for years on end, massing and huge stockpile of random items that they can sell off to the highest bidder. These so-called quests are no easy feat either, especially the ones based around killed an arbitrary number of generic creature 14, due to the way they have evolved, which is described in the next chapter. In all then, people you meet in the world will always have something for you to do because they can't be bothered doing it themselves. My advice, in closing of this chapter would be to avoid them like the plague, the tasks they give will be tedious and take nothing short of years to complete.


As I mentioned in the last chapter, the worlds have evolved in such a way that everything is dangerous, be it water or trees, something WILL want to kill you, and given half a chance they will. Most creatures have developed the ability to make you walk slow, in an annoying way. This is so they can catch up and murder you in whatever manner they choose. I mentioned as well that killing these creatures for tasks can be a tedious task, this is why:

Feline style creatures - No skulls or bones, Fur disintegrates when you try and pick it up, No Blood or internal organs.
Canines - Eyes not present, heads vanish once they die, no feet, teeth missing.
Humanoids - No hands, Ears, blood, skin, heads, feet or beards.

These rules only apply to around 89% of the population, some still retain traits such as blood and skulls, others wont. This is why it is tedious and annoying, the call of the quest giver is strong, and again, I urge you all to not try and do anything for these lazy idiots, unless you like banging you head repeatedly into a hedgehog at 40 minute intervals.


So here we are, the conclusion at last. While all the worlds are varied enough to hold the interest for the avid explorer, the dangers out way the rewards. Travel to these worlds at your own peril, It will cost you a fortune and you will come out of them enjoying the feeling of metal spikes being jammed into your temples, I know I do. So in closing, Avoid, watch a movie, each a cabbage, fluff a squirrel, just don't go into these world hoping to find something interesting, there is only death.
Helegaradon Sihniliophinopopolos signing out.

Monday, 11 February 2008

Mean Machine

I've finally decided it's about time I posted one of the Wombat's old Garry's Mod videos from a time when we actually used to play it.

Saying that, we have over the past couple of weeks been playing it again, though most of the time we've spent in it has been been either shooting Dr. Breen a helluva lot (did I just use the word 'helluva'?) or attaching thrusters to hoverboards and pissing ourselves laughing at the hilarious deaths that entail. Not that either of those are bad things mind.

But to the point of this post. Today I stumbled upon the My Videos folder on this here computer and found a 'Games' folder lurking inside. In which there are a bunch of old Garry's Mod videos from late 2006. Again, mainly just videos of killing Dr. Breen and the like but one in particular is what I deem to be our finest work to date.

Entitled 'Mean Machine,' it shows an old rusting wheelless APC which we brought back to life by giving it some big new wheels, a nice olive green polish, some new headlights, and a battering ram to be used for clearing the road of any zombies or Dr. Breens who might happen to be standing in the way (ie. a lot).

Made in late summer 2006, it is to date the most productive thing we have done in Garry's Mod. It came about when I was unemployed for 2 or 3 months following an unwelcome stint at Birmingham Aluminium (watch The Machinist to get an idea of what it was like to work there). I quit when they laid upon me a shift pattern of Monday to Thursday 6am to 6pm.

A week or so after I quit I bought a brand new £1000 PC and sat there most of the day doing nothing but drinking Tea, eating ham and cheese sarnies, and playing Garry's Mod. I soon realised I had about £100 to my name and £600 rent to pay in less than two weeks. So we made this:

Friday, 1 February 2008


Right to the point in this blorg title.

This is something that has been on my mind all week, we really need a new system of measuring things, I personally don't care much for such words as Millimeter's, Centimeter's, Inch's or meters. I hate having to work out whats what when measuring stuff which happens once in a pink sphere that it just gets on my nerves persistently and I end up hitting stuff, damn measurment systems...Anyway, I have devised a way that will benifit everyone - The Loyal Tube

Tubes! i dont hear you cry, whats the point? Well, tubes are everywhere and you can find them in almost all situations and they always come in handy, so here is the measurment systtem in broken math format as I also dislike anything numerical, like dinosaurs.

Tube = (Length x Height = size)
Size = (Does not matter)

As you can see, any tube can be used in any situation as it doesn't matter what size it is! Ingenious you don't say! Here is an example:

Measuring a building used to be hard using a 30cm Ruler, or for the posh amongst you all, a straight edge, now, with tubes, tedium is a thing of the past. By using a large tube you can stack them up against the building and say "Oh! It's 500 tubes high, Huzzah!" while with small tubes, you can say "Oh! It's 2,846 tubes high, Huzzah!"

Tubes will change the way science views nothing in particular, so do your duty, expose tubes to the world today to make a better future for yesterday!



Thursday, 17 January 2008

Mungos, Spiddles and Kittywiggles...

...None of which shall be mentioned again in this blorg, since I've not had the enthusiasm to do one for a while, this one will be a new one for a while with completely nonsensical sentence structure and possibly grammatical errors ahoy.

Things around me at the moment:

1 Plate & fork - Just removed a pasty from our physical existence.
Half a bottle of Dr. Pepper, open, lid on the other side of the table
Joystick, not plugged in, not doing anything other than taking up space
1 Plasma globe, now with 100% more added headphones
Random Trinkets
1 Empty bottle of Dr. Pepper, removed from existence while thinking of this sentence.

You may ask what the point in that was, the truth is, there is no point and to hell with you for suggesting that there was, those of you who didn't then shame on you for not thinking it.

Dragons ahoy!

Quick! Look over there, is that a dragon?!?

The question that has haunted many people for the last 34 seconds now has an answer and that answer is "No, that my magnetic friend, is what we call a Kangaroo" so there you have it, the dragon in question is none other than Chellibo, the Marvelous Kangaroo, he may have scales and breath fire but dammit if he is not a kangaroo.

23,017 centimeters beneath the atmosphere

This decent has taken a turn for the worse, so I am going.

I was going to put something else there but I deleted the text from virtual existence as I'm too bored and lazy to get the random buds firing off in my mind so I shall just leave it as - I am Going.


Saturday, 5 January 2008

Deer Hunters for a day, fools for a lifetime

We arrived in Pike, Illinois at the break of dawn. Mike turned up on his trusty steed 'LaRoo' and myself on a brand spankin' new quad bike. First we decided to test our gear. I ran straight to the nearest tree to set up my new high chair (with built in foot massager!), jumped on the bugger and sat to watch Mike set up his tent. We soon got bored sitting there pointing at each other and so decided to set off in quest of a 200lb white-tailed buck.

We got on our respective modes of transportation and headed south through the woods with our grunt call tubes lodged firmly in our mouths and made as much noise as humanly possible. We soon discovered this wasn't the way it was meant to be done so quickly and silently we both fell straight into prone position. We crawled along in this manner for a while until we realised we were both covered in warm deer crap, and thought there must be something close by. There was nothing but a lone squirrel staring confusedly at us which was duly slain by Mike and his Rifle.

We headed further south and came across a river, consulting the map we saw a dotted line through the river and decided to head towards that. It wasn't long before we came across a bridge (A Bridge!!!) and there was much rejoicing, and pointing for that matter. We stepped onto the bridge and had a little dance whilst moving over it. Mike noticed a huge eagle flying overhead and whipped out his rifle and fired all five shots at it with no luck, one blast of his shotgun took care of it though, and it fell into the river. We waded in and stared (and pointed) at the dead body. At this point we decided to split up.

I had my thermal goggles with me and saw some orange blobs though the trees so I snuck through (very professionally I might add) and there it was, the 200lb white-tailed buck. It had it's back turned towards me so I hid behind the tree and prepared to take my shot. I peeked round and it was still standing there silently, so I took aim and... Suddenly 3 gunshots from the left, it scarpered. It was Mike running towards me; deer call tube lodged in his gob, making an awful racket. We didn't see it again.

Somewhat disappointed at the lack of things to kill and longing for some action we felt it necessary to start shooting at cars on the nearby road, nothing came of this, the terrible shots we both are. We saw a farm house in the distance and set out towards that, I ran over a squirrel and Mike shot one, so it wasn't all bad. Unfortunately the farm house was empty, so our hopes of murdering the family were abruptly ended. Mike then decided to finger LaRoo while we watched a beautiful sunset.