Wednesday, 9 December 2009

Random Sausage accident creates inverted light-sphere, tens of people flee

December 9th - 2009, this day shall remain forever in our minds and an event happened that no one thought could happen, nothing was planned, no one ever thought that something like this could happen but it did.

The events that led up to this accident are foggy at best, but we do have some "Ultra Rare Accidental Sausage Catastrophy Revealing Documentation Device" or URASCRDD if you enjoy abbreviations. Apprently, during a factory trip, several children infected several sausages with a nano AI virus type thing, this caused the sausages to become sentient and go ape. Within mere seconds the sausage factory was in ruins and the aformentioned tens of people were running for their very lives/sheep, the children meanwhile were nowhere to been seen as, according to the URASCRDD, they were not children at all, but massive aliens/frogs measuring many many feet in height, lets say 5ft 12 for convenience.

Once the sausages were loosed, their very existence was threatened, so they went out to attack anyone or anything that stood in their way, sheep, eggs, beer and even the mighty tube were decimated by the sausage onslaught, fortunately, the sausages failed to take down their natural enemy - Birds.

Thats right, seagulls and hedgehogs flew in for the kill, taking heavy casualties but ultimately succeeding in defeating their mortal enemies and ending the sausage war of 2009, will we such an uprising in 2010? Only time will tell.

Monday, 21 September 2009

WOMBAT NEWS - German Pig helps tiny African man back onto Motorised Wheelbarrow

Nearly 16 people were treated for mild dismay yesterday when a 2ft 3in man from Equatorial Antarctica was found face down near what was believed to be his overturned Wheelbarrow in the shape of a Camel's earlobe.

A nearby child - whose Tasmanian pet Donkey was unleashed approximately 2 minutes 425 seconds prior to this incident - rushed to the scene and instructed said Polar Bear to help the miniscule man back onto his Ungulate ear resembling a small gardening vehicle.

Of the 16 people who witnessed the incident in Leominster, Iraq, no-one commented. However, a man in Port Grolsch, Blurgberg gave these wise words "The potatoes shalnt be growing this year, mark my words, this is a travesty of the highest kind, to have such a thing happen at such a time, in such a place too! As a recovering computer speaker, stereo is a hard skill to get good at so I will stick to mono for now in the hopes that the hippo-eared manual vehicle will once again resemble the Oort cloud."

The small North Hawaiian man was said to be recovering at his home in Kettering.

Thursday, 9 April 2009

Warthog Acquisition

Yes, it's a post, how amazing, now be quiet before I set Alan upon thee.

As we all know, tomorrow is "Warthog Picking Day" a day of celebrating the fact that Warthogs are grown on bushes, somewhere in the left side of the sea, as close as left as it can be without it being right...or up.

We also know that the Warthog Emperor, George, is released from his eternal prison at 1:28am, this event is celebrated by taking the warthogs off of the bushes, making them into a pile and then giving them complicated algebra that they have no comprehension of (like most people with algebra eh? haha, shut up) this in turn calms George to the point where he can be locked away again for a few more years, which then begs the following question, which will be stated in the following paragraph to try and spice up this blorg.

The question we must ask is: "Why". Yep, "Why", why must we go through this procedure every few years, why must we unlock the cage so that we can lock it again, seems a bit harsh, especially since George gets his hopes up every time and every time he gets locked up again, it's your fault, Sweden, it always is, its about time you start respecting the warthogs lest they rise up and take you all captive, this route will then lead to military action and the warthogs shall perish, they cannot use complex weaponry, they cannot use vehicles, its a one sided fight they have no chance of winning.

Shame on you Sweden, shame on you.